Growth

This is just a thought I had late last night after writing in my journal:

I think that the Lord, in my trials, pushes me to my breaking point. But, right before I reach it, He gives me clear skies. The joy and happiness ALWAYS exceed the darkness and gloom. This is how we learn. This is how we grow.

Fear Not!

Have you ever thought about fear? Real fear? I’m not talking about fear of spiders or snakes, but rather the deeper fear of failing, rejection, and/or the unknown.

Hmmm….

With all of the changes going on in my life at the moment, fear has been a nagging companion; you don’t want it there, but it sticks around and interrupts your thoughts at the worst moments. It just wont leave you alone!

But really…what do we have to be afraid of? What is there to fear in the first place? I just think about all of the good things in my life and sometimes I wonder if my fear comes from focusing on the wrong things. How often do we look at the glass half empty rather than half full? I’ve seen firsthand in my life that the more I trust in the Lord, the less I fear. And no matter how cliché this sounds, somehow it always seems to work out. What can I say?—I like to think of myself as an optimist.

Confidence. Courage. Easier said than done, right? Perhaps. But if nothing else, we just have to remember that fear is not a necessary emotion. Faith comes from God while fear comes from the adversary. The two—fear and faith—are antitheses of each other and there is no room for one when the other is present. So really, we have a choice…which do we wish to follow?

Ha! No competition there.

Time Wasted Judging

Branching off of my previous theme of courage, I’d like to touch on the 2009 Young Women address by President Thomas S. Monson entitled “May You Have Courage” where, to support his first point of having the courage to refrain from judging others, he quotes Mother Teresa, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

I was quite taken by this quote, as simple as it is, and find it to be a truthful statement. It’s a concept of time—if we spend our time judging or thinking negatively of others, than we lose time when we could be thinking positively and uplifting others. I don’t believe we can do both at the same time.

And this is assuming that “judging” is purely a negative thing. Using your judgment is useful and essential in life when used appropriately, however, I use the word judgment here to mean gossip and criticism.

Doctrine and Covenants 88:123 reads, “See that ye love one another; cease to be covetous; learn to impart one to another as the gospel requires.” Well said. To love your neighbor as yourself is the second of God’s great commandments.

And of course, no one’s perfect. The natural man and worldly competition harbor the tendency to look on others with a critical eye; in most cases, passing judgment is a selfish tactic of raising ourselves above another. But forgetting our pride and understanding that everyone is different and that we never know the “entire story” of one’s situation, experiences, etc. can help us to refrain from making judgments that are almost always unjustified.

Elder Wirthlin said, “We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever” (“The Great Commandment”). If we spend less of our time criticizing others and more time looking for the positive, we will begin to see them as our Father in Heaven does. We’re not perfect, and neither are our fellow men. Who are we to judge who is better than another when God loves all of his children?

Courage To Be Who You Are

Recently, I’ve noticed a change in myself that has been occurring gradually over the past year or so—a detachment from the person I feel I really am. I have these moments when I look back on my past and smile with gratitude for all the experiences—good and bad—that have brought me to this point, but no longer connect with the person I used to be. And while we grow each and every day, I believe there are certain parts of us that should only change if we want them to—things about our personalities; the things that make us smile or motivate us to live a more fulfilling life. To me, we use our past and all the lessons learned to inspire our future. But I’ve been so blind lately, caught up in a million different things and forgetting about who I am and where I come from. I love new experiences. Change. Adventures. Spontaneity. I revel in the beauty of an artistic expression and take joy in the simplest of things: an act of service. The sun rising above the peak of the mountain. A crazy hair style. Someone singing at the top of their lungs to the car radio.

But, instead of taking pleasure in all the tiny things that really make me me, I’ve selfishly worried about how everyone else sees me and have thus tailored myself to a life of constant self-improvement. And in the mix of it all, I’ve tried so hard to change myself for the better that I’ve let go of what I believe truly makes me beautiful. The specifics are too abstract to describe, but they are tied heavily to my earthly and heavenly origins. Again, our past helps to build our future, and I have quite forgotten about where it is that I come from. Along with that, I feel as if I have spent so much time thinking about what’s “wrong” with who I am that I have lost confidence in all that is “good”. Courage, as a result, has been a prevalent theme for me the last little while.

In my studying a couple of days ago, I read an article by Robert D. Hales entitled, “Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship.” In it, he talks about how members of the church should have courage to respond to accusations and criticism appropriately. While this article is well worth reading, I take only a part from it. Elder Hales speaks of having the courage to be a disciple of Christ, and I extend that to having the courage to be who you are in general.

Being your true self is scary enough; the judgment of others stands as one of vulnerability’s worst enemies. I often find myself nervous that who I am wont be accepted and, as a result, I’ll be torn down, left alone with my face stuck in the mud. But, for every minute we spend worrying about how others perceive us, we lose a precious minute of our short lives that could easily be better enjoyed. Live it up! Enjoy your life and learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. And again, remember where you come from. For me, that means understanding the liberal mindset of Maine, the emotional-based personalities of my family, and, most importantly, my claim as a daughter of God.

Elder Hales makes a wonderful connection between courage and a Book of Mormon experience:

In the Book of Mormon, we read about Lehonti and his men camped upon a mount. The traitorous Amalickiah urged Lehonti to “come down” and meet him in the valley. But when Lehonti left the high ground, he was poisoned “by degrees” until he died, and his army fell into Amalickiah’s hands (see Alma 47)…The high ground is where the light is. It’s where we see the first light of morning and the last light in the evening. It is the safe ground. It is true and where knowledge is. Sometimes others want us to come down off the high ground and join them in a theological scrum in the mud...We are always better staying on the higher ground…

Taken a little differently than how Elder Hales intends it, I see here a hill whereupon one can see the “first light of the morning and the last light in the evening.” When we make the most of our lives and live up to our potential, understanding ourselves and where we come from, we have such a better and clearer view of everything around us. Obstacles don’t seem so ominous and we are inclined more toward optimism because we can better see the beauty of life. Yet, certain experiences and influences draw us down from our “safe spot.” Media, stereotypes, and even other people and ourselves can convince us that we’re worth less than we really are or that who we are isn’t who we should be.

And for me, understanding who I really am is inseparably connected to my relationship with God. If I begin to loose the light of Christ through neglect, sin, and/or laziness, I find myself unhappy and disconnected from the one thing that will always remain constant in my life. The more I give attention to my divine nature, the more I feel I understand myself. I make the comparison of losing sight of who I am and digressing spiritually to a light that is slowly dimming. We do not fully comprehend how much the light is changing until either the light turns completely off or is suddenly turned back to its full capacity. The change is so subtle that we do not always realize it’s there.

As I’m sure you’ll hear me say over and over again, life is full of choices, and at this point, I can only point out how having courage is a choice that we consciously make. We must have the courage to be who we are. We must have the courage to learn to understand ourselves, every part. We must have the courage to stay on our hilltop. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in “We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down,” talks about keeping our focus on the things that matter most. In it, he instructs us, each time we are tempted to fall away, to proudly proclaim, “I am doing a great work and cannot come down.” I connect this to Elder Hale’s analogy of the high ground.

So what’s my point? Well, I’ve forgotten who I am and I’m trying to find out again. Not an easy task, that’s for sure. And it’s not something that happens overnight. I share this with you because…well…everyone has their ups and downs and perhaps my thoughts can mean something to you.

With this, I share my testimony that as we take the time to remember where we come from and have the courage to be who we are, we can find comfort as we feel more connected to ourselves and our Heavenly Father. Being true and honest with ourselves is a key step to finding happiness. God loves us and understands everything that we are. Part of our purpose here on earth is to come to that understanding ourselves.