Courage To Be Who You Are

Recently, I’ve noticed a change in myself that has been occurring gradually over the past year or so—a detachment from the person I feel I really am. I have these moments when I look back on my past and smile with gratitude for all the experiences—good and bad—that have brought me to this point, but no longer connect with the person I used to be. And while we grow each and every day, I believe there are certain parts of us that should only change if we want them to—things about our personalities; the things that make us smile or motivate us to live a more fulfilling life. To me, we use our past and all the lessons learned to inspire our future. But I’ve been so blind lately, caught up in a million different things and forgetting about who I am and where I come from. I love new experiences. Change. Adventures. Spontaneity. I revel in the beauty of an artistic expression and take joy in the simplest of things: an act of service. The sun rising above the peak of the mountain. A crazy hair style. Someone singing at the top of their lungs to the car radio.

But, instead of taking pleasure in all the tiny things that really make me me, I’ve selfishly worried about how everyone else sees me and have thus tailored myself to a life of constant self-improvement. And in the mix of it all, I’ve tried so hard to change myself for the better that I’ve let go of what I believe truly makes me beautiful. The specifics are too abstract to describe, but they are tied heavily to my earthly and heavenly origins. Again, our past helps to build our future, and I have quite forgotten about where it is that I come from. Along with that, I feel as if I have spent so much time thinking about what’s “wrong” with who I am that I have lost confidence in all that is “good”. Courage, as a result, has been a prevalent theme for me the last little while.

In my studying a couple of days ago, I read an article by Robert D. Hales entitled, “Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship.” In it, he talks about how members of the church should have courage to respond to accusations and criticism appropriately. While this article is well worth reading, I take only a part from it. Elder Hales speaks of having the courage to be a disciple of Christ, and I extend that to having the courage to be who you are in general.

Being your true self is scary enough; the judgment of others stands as one of vulnerability’s worst enemies. I often find myself nervous that who I am wont be accepted and, as a result, I’ll be torn down, left alone with my face stuck in the mud. But, for every minute we spend worrying about how others perceive us, we lose a precious minute of our short lives that could easily be better enjoyed. Live it up! Enjoy your life and learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. And again, remember where you come from. For me, that means understanding the liberal mindset of Maine, the emotional-based personalities of my family, and, most importantly, my claim as a daughter of God.

Elder Hales makes a wonderful connection between courage and a Book of Mormon experience:

In the Book of Mormon, we read about Lehonti and his men camped upon a mount. The traitorous Amalickiah urged Lehonti to “come down” and meet him in the valley. But when Lehonti left the high ground, he was poisoned “by degrees” until he died, and his army fell into Amalickiah’s hands (see Alma 47)…The high ground is where the light is. It’s where we see the first light of morning and the last light in the evening. It is the safe ground. It is true and where knowledge is. Sometimes others want us to come down off the high ground and join them in a theological scrum in the mud...We are always better staying on the higher ground…

Taken a little differently than how Elder Hales intends it, I see here a hill whereupon one can see the “first light of the morning and the last light in the evening.” When we make the most of our lives and live up to our potential, understanding ourselves and where we come from, we have such a better and clearer view of everything around us. Obstacles don’t seem so ominous and we are inclined more toward optimism because we can better see the beauty of life. Yet, certain experiences and influences draw us down from our “safe spot.” Media, stereotypes, and even other people and ourselves can convince us that we’re worth less than we really are or that who we are isn’t who we should be.

And for me, understanding who I really am is inseparably connected to my relationship with God. If I begin to loose the light of Christ through neglect, sin, and/or laziness, I find myself unhappy and disconnected from the one thing that will always remain constant in my life. The more I give attention to my divine nature, the more I feel I understand myself. I make the comparison of losing sight of who I am and digressing spiritually to a light that is slowly dimming. We do not fully comprehend how much the light is changing until either the light turns completely off or is suddenly turned back to its full capacity. The change is so subtle that we do not always realize it’s there.

As I’m sure you’ll hear me say over and over again, life is full of choices, and at this point, I can only point out how having courage is a choice that we consciously make. We must have the courage to be who we are. We must have the courage to learn to understand ourselves, every part. We must have the courage to stay on our hilltop. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in “We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down,” talks about keeping our focus on the things that matter most. In it, he instructs us, each time we are tempted to fall away, to proudly proclaim, “I am doing a great work and cannot come down.” I connect this to Elder Hale’s analogy of the high ground.

So what’s my point? Well, I’ve forgotten who I am and I’m trying to find out again. Not an easy task, that’s for sure. And it’s not something that happens overnight. I share this with you because…well…everyone has their ups and downs and perhaps my thoughts can mean something to you.

With this, I share my testimony that as we take the time to remember where we come from and have the courage to be who we are, we can find comfort as we feel more connected to ourselves and our Heavenly Father. Being true and honest with ourselves is a key step to finding happiness. God loves us and understands everything that we are. Part of our purpose here on earth is to come to that understanding ourselves.