The Christmas Season

It’s Christmas time, right? So that means lots of love and family and service and charity. It’s that time of year we all magically become selfless and become the way we “should be.” I love Christmas. Please don’t mistake my tone for complete pessimism; I just can’t help but think about how the tradition of Christmas (despite its over-commercialization) is that one time of year when we all forget our usual selves and become…something different. We all become a little nicer. We all become a little more loving. We all become a little more selfless.

I think it’s wonderful. I think it’s incredible to see a whole community come together for a common purpose. But it’s after Christmas that I really wonder about. After all the presents are opened and the sugar-comas have passed, we kick our extended families out of our homes, make our never-to-be-fulfilled New Year’s Resolutions, and “begin anew” the incoming year. We do this all in hopes of starting with a clean slate and of finally get back to our lives. We go back to school and work and think, “Well, that was a nice holiday season.”

And that’s it. Christmas is over, and it’s about 50 weeks until the next one.

I believe that Christmas is more than that, as I am sure most of you believe as well. But we (me included) get stuck in this routine cycle where we move from one phase to the next in our lives. Get this one done so I can move on to the next. Even though we may feel the so-called Christmas Spirit, we stress ourselves out over buying the presents, sending out the Christmas cards, baking the holiday goods…and after all of that stress, we take a big sigh of relief once Christmas has finally ended. And yet, we immediately look forward to it the following year.

I propose we do as we have been instructed time and time again—to carry that Christmas Spirit with us the whole year through. Now, that’s not to say that we should have a decked-out pine tree in our living room year-round or that we should only fill our wardrobe with red and green. Rather, I mean that we should take those things that mean the most to us during the Christmas season—such as family and giving—and we should make it our goal to foster them the whole year through.

It’s a tacky notion, perhaps, and we’ve heard it a thousand times over…but that doesn’t make it any less significant. Rather than see the Christmas season as a phase of the year to pass through, see it as a learning opportunity—a time to practice selflessness and to improve our understanding of it.

We give and we give and we give all year round, but do we ever really enjoy our giving? Do we ever see the opportunity as a blessing rather than a burden? So this Christmas season, avoid trying to check everything off of your list and try, instead, to learn from what you experience.

Growth

This is just a thought I had late last night after writing in my journal:

I think that the Lord, in my trials, pushes me to my breaking point. But, right before I reach it, He gives me clear skies. The joy and happiness ALWAYS exceed the darkness and gloom. This is how we learn. This is how we grow.

Laugh It Off

So yesterday was a particularly interesting day. And when I say interesting, I mean less than wonderful. Many of my classmates and friends have been out with the infamous Swine Flu, and I was starting to feel some of the symptoms myself. I had a test I needed to take, two assignments I needed to finish (one of which by 5 p.m.), and I had no time to do any of it because I needed to go to work. On top of it, my mind was fried from the previous couple of days and I had no desire or energy to do any of it. I was having, what I like to call, a classic stress moment.

I’m not trying to complain, here. I’m in grad school juggling work, an acting gig on the side, an extra dance class, and a fiancé who lives an hour away…what else am I supposed to expect? Of course I’m going to have a packed schedule and be stressed! My point is that yesterday, the walls seemed to be caving in…not the best day.

So what happened next only made it worse. I went to the testing center and took the test. After handing it in, I was walking down the stairs when I tripped. Luckily, I only fell down about two or three steps and caught myself with my left foot. However, my right ankle twisted in ways unnatural to the human body and I crumpled to the floor, complete with backpack on, dropping my phone and dance shoes. I was groaning in pain when two guys coming down the stairs behind me came to my rescue and tried to pull me up, but I didn’t have the voice to tell them that my ankle felt like it had been sawed off with a blunt spoon.

I managed to tell them what was wrong, but of course I couldn’t just get back up in a hurry without anyone noticing. Much to my self-conscious horror, I looked up and saw at least seven or eight people gathered on the stairs staring at my pathetic body lying on the floor and my teary face. Great. How embarrassing.

Once everyone but the two guys helping me left me to my shame, I put my game face on, played the “independent-I-can-handle-myself-tough-girl”, and got back up. I slowly applied pressure to my right ankle, declared it merely sprained, and was soon enough on the road again, limping all the way across campus to my car.

Now, I’m not usually one to tell specific personal experiences, so what’s my point to this long and ridiculous story? Well, when I was walking across campus with hints of tears still running down my face, I started laughing...hysterically.

I mean, picture it, here’s this girl who’s having a pretty awful day and to make matters worse, she trips down the stairs and sprains her ankle. How ironic! And what a funny thing to picture! Who trips down the stairs, anyway? And to think of what I must have looked like lying on the floor…and the gaggle of people gawking at me…classic. I have to be honest with myself—it was funny.

What I’m trying to say is that even when situations get pretty bleak and discouraging, we’re still in control of our attitude, and as the saying goes, “Attitude is everything.” So the next time something less than fortunate happens to you, ignore your inclination to groan and complain. Laugh. Laugh it off.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that my day yesterday was a bad day. Less than desirable? Absolutely. But not bad. You just have to look at it the right way. First of all, I’m ok. My ankle’s just sprained. And secondly, now I have a funny story to journal about. And what’s life without a few laughs?

Sometimes, You Just Have To Jump

I’ve talked a lot about choices and how life is full of them. Well, this is no different.

Life. It’s full of choices.

But one of the things I’ve learned recently is that sometimes you have to step a little out into the dark before the light comes. What I mean by that is sometimes we have to choose without the complete assurance that we’re making the right decision.

I think of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when Harrison Ford reaches the “leap of faith.” He has to step out off of a ledge, and it’s only after that he sees the platform. The same thing happens for some of the decisions in our lives, and usually the most important ones (which can be very frustrating).

So why is that? Well, in my opinion (and as I’ve alluded to in past entries) it’s not so much about whether we’re making the right decision, but that we’re making a right decision—we have to be proactive about the path our life is taking. If our fates were predetermined, then sure…we’d have to search for that one right decision. But a choice isn't about searching, it's about doing. We have been blessed with the gift of personal agency and thereby have become the masters of our own destinies. We make the decisions. We travel the paths. We create our own lives.

That’s not to say that we can’t have help or that we aren’t influenced by outside sources. But regardless, we’re here to choose and we have the ability to do it. What a wonderful thing!

But how terrifying, right? That lack of assurance when making a decision can paralyze us with fear (it does me, anyway). It would just be so nice and easy if the consequences of each decision was illuminated before us. However, that’s not how it works. It’s times like these when faith really needs to be applied. Faith in others. Faith in ourselves. Faith in God.

It’s now my opinion that sometimes, you just have to jump. Jump, and have faith that you’ll be able to handle the consequences that follow. Obviously, work out as much as you can—see as far into the darkness as your perspective will allow. But once you’ve done all you can do, don’t hold yourself back from progression with unnecessary fear. Instead, see the jump as an adventure and know that it’s usually you who turns a decision into the right one.

My Testimony

I love my Heavenly Father. I know He is there. I love my Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ. I know He lives. I know that the infinite sacrifice He performed was because of His love for me. I know that though I may struggle here on this earth, I am learning and growing so that one day I may return to my Father in Heaven and live for eternity with my family.

I know of the love that God has for His children—I have felt it and experienced it through the countless blessings of my life. I am so grateful to be alive, to have the life and the family I have, and to have the many experiences of my life. I am grateful for His light and the guidance He sends me endlessly. I am grateful for His love and the assurance that I am never alone.

Words cannot describe the things I have learned in my short life. I know that God created the earth. I know that before we came to this earth, we chose to follow Jesus Christ and we understood the plan He has for us. Now that we are here, we must come unto Him in humility and faith, and we will return to the presence of our Father. I know that true joy can be ours if we follow the plan.

I know that for those who have passed on, I will see them again. I know that with faith, there is nothing to fear. I know that our Father in Heaven has sent many messengers and prophets to help guide us. I know that even today, we have men on the earth who act as the mouthpiece of God. I have a testimony of Thomas S. Monson as the living prophet in our day, of his counselors Henry B. Eyring and Dieter F. Uchtdorf, and of the apostles.

I know the scriptures to contain the word of God. I know that if we read them with an open mind and heart, He will make manifest unto us the truth and reality of what they say.

I testify that these things are true. God lives, He loves us, and He wants us to return to Him. If you have not felt this, I urge you to pray and find out for yourself.

Learning from our Experiences

I should have posted this at least a few days ago, but here it is nonetheless. As a two-part entry, I first want to focus on the most recent Mormon message. If you haven’t already, please watch the video below and think about how the events of September 11, 2001 changed your life…



When I first watched this video, I was touched by the experience of this man and began thinking about how the Atonement is the key to making changes in our lives. In his book The Continuous Atonement, Brad Wilcox explains the redeeming power of the Lord’s sacrifice: “A redeemer is one who changes us for the better, one who reforms and reshapes us” (68).

When we came down to this earth, the plan was (and still is) for us to return to our Heavenly Father, which has been made possible by the Atonement. However, it is more than just covering up our sins; it is a means by which we may make the necessary changes to improve ourselves to become like God. This makes the Atonement about human development, not just cleansing. What good is repentance if a change of heart is not had?

In his book, Brad Wilcox also writes, “A friend once told me, ‘Look, I’m a good person even though I don’t go to church.’ I agreed, but gently reminded him that his goodness wasn’t in question. He had already proven that in the premortal existence. This life is about becoming better’” (71).

I want to share my testimony of the incredible and infinite sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ and how it can help us to not only find forgiveness for our sins, but can also help us to wake up each morning better than we were the day before. As divine children of God, we have that capability, and I know this life was given to us so that we may prove to ourselves of our potential. We are here to learn and to grow from those experiences that teach us, becoming better and more like our Father in Heaven.

Priorities

Wow. With everything that’s been going on, I feel like I’ve barely had time to breathe. I’ve been learning so many new things and had so many of those “ah ha!” epiphany moments, but I haven’t had the time to really document them. However, I received an email today from a friend and fellow grad student with a document attached that really helped me to calm my fears. The excerpt is from Elder Henry B. Eyring’s address Education for Real Life. Here’s a copy of the attachment—I promise it’s worth the read:


It is clear that putting spiritual learning first does not relieve us from learning secular things. On the contrary, it gives our secular learning purpose and motivates us to work harder at it. If we will keep spiritual learning in its proper place, we will have to make some hard choices of how we use our time. We generally know when papers will be due, when tests must be taken, when projects must be completed. And we know when the Sabbath will come. We know when the institute class will be held. We know when the prayers at the beginning of a day and those at the end should come. We know about how long it takes in reading the scriptures before we begin to feel the Holy Spirit. We know about how many hours it takes to prepare and to perform our service in the Church.

When we see life as it really is, we plan for a time and a place for all of those things. There will come crises when there does not seem to be enough time. There will be many instances when one thing crowds out another. But there should never be a conscious choice to let the spiritual become secondary as a pattern in our lives. Never. That will lead to tragedy.

Your life is carefully watched over, as was mine. The Lord knows both what He will need you to do and what you will need to know. He is kind and He is all-knowing. So, you can with confidence expect that He has prepared opportunities for you to learn in preparation for the service you will give. You will not recognize those opportunities perfectly, as I did not. But when you put the spiritual things first in your life, you will be blessed to feel directed toward certain learning and you will be motivated to work harder. You will recognize later that your power to serve was increased, and you will be grateful.

God Can Multiply the Effectiveness of Our Time

I realize that there are some, perhaps many, for whom my urging you to capture leisure time cuts like a knife. You feel overwhelmed by the lack of time. You have left unfinished tasks in your Church calling. You’ve carried your scriptures all day but still not found a moment to open them. There is someone in your family who would be blessed by your thoughtful attention, but you haven’t gotten to them yet. You will go to a job tomorrow that barely pays enough to keep food on your table and pay your bills. There is a term paper or a project due soon that you are yet to start and there are examinations looming. Rather than finding ways to capture leisure time for learning, you are trying to decide what to leave undone.

There is another way to look at your problem of crowded time. You can see it as an opportunity to test your faith. The Lord loves you and watches over you. He is all-powerful, and He promised you this: "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33).

That is a true promise. When we put God’s purposes first, He will give us miracles. If we pray to know what He would have us do next, He will multiply the effects of what we do in such a way that time seems to be expanded. He may do it in different ways for each individual, but I know from long experience that He is faithful to His word.

I’ve seen that same miracle when there seemed not enough time for my family when they needed me. I had four young sons, a challenging new job, and then came a call from our bishop as the assistant Scoutmaster and the deacons quorum instructor. The Scouts camped out often, taking me from my boys, who were either older or younger than Scout ages. But I gave my heart to teaching and serving, trusting the Lord’s promise. I began to take one of my sons and then another with me on our outings. What seemed a call away from my obligations to my sons, with the Lord’s help, formed a bond with them that will last for eternity. I gave my heart to the Lord’s service in that deacons quorum; He gave me the hearts of my sons.

I cannot promise academic success or perfect families. Nor can I tell you the way in which He will honor His promise of adding blessings upon you. But I can promise you that if you will go to Him in prayer and ask what He would have you do next, promising that you will put His kingdom first, He will answer your prayer and He will keep His promise to add upon your head blessings, enough and to spare. Those apparent prison walls of "not enough time" will begin to recede, even as you are called to do more.

With everything I’ve had going on, I’ve literally had the feeling that I’m drowning…to the point where I’ve been questioning my decision to take on some of my current responsibilities. All the while, however, I’ve been constantly praying for the help to set my priorities straight and to focus on the things that matter most in this life.

As can be expected, I have a lot to work on. I don’t always get to “what matters most” as often as I should. But I know with a surety that if we place our priorities in the right order and place God and service for His kingdom first, He will help us with our endeavors and all else will fall into place.

Just A Thought...

My father-figure Cliff wrote this to me in an email. I am so grateful for him and all of his kindness over the years.

“You have to keep in mind that it is entirely up to you what you do…It is your path so remember that all the things you do on your journey are important and they don't always fall in the time frames or plans of others and that is o.k. because it is not their road to follow.”

I think sometimes we just need simple reminders that we’re all living different lives and we shouldn’t expect our “journey” to go the same way or at the same pace as others. Every life is beautiful because it belongs to one particular person—we each write our own story and that’s what makes it so special.

Happiness

“Humility and gratitude are truly the twin characteristics of happiness” (Richard C. Edgley, “The Empowerment of Humility,” Liahona, Nov 2003, 97–99).

Interesting to think that two things considered weaknesses in today’s world can give you so much power.

Fear Not!

Have you ever thought about fear? Real fear? I’m not talking about fear of spiders or snakes, but rather the deeper fear of failing, rejection, and/or the unknown.

Hmmm….

With all of the changes going on in my life at the moment, fear has been a nagging companion; you don’t want it there, but it sticks around and interrupts your thoughts at the worst moments. It just wont leave you alone!

But really…what do we have to be afraid of? What is there to fear in the first place? I just think about all of the good things in my life and sometimes I wonder if my fear comes from focusing on the wrong things. How often do we look at the glass half empty rather than half full? I’ve seen firsthand in my life that the more I trust in the Lord, the less I fear. And no matter how cliché this sounds, somehow it always seems to work out. What can I say?—I like to think of myself as an optimist.

Confidence. Courage. Easier said than done, right? Perhaps. But if nothing else, we just have to remember that fear is not a necessary emotion. Faith comes from God while fear comes from the adversary. The two—fear and faith—are antitheses of each other and there is no room for one when the other is present. So really, we have a choice…which do we wish to follow?

Ha! No competition there.

A Tiny Seed

Once again, I was looking through my old assignments and came across the following from my Mission Prep class in the fall of 2006. Interestingly enough, faith has been a major study topic for me the past couple of days, so I thought this was all too relevant and the perfect thing to share:


To more fully understand the Gospel of Jesus Christ, one must first understand the founding principle – faith. In Ether 12:6, it reads, “faith is things which are hoped for and not seen.” This definition is repeated in the teachings of the Apostle Paul, “Now faith is the [assurance] of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). It is the principle of action and power.

But what does that mean? Faith as the principle of action acts as the director of everything a person does. Approaching this idea in physical terms, it can be seen that every action, no matter how small, is performed by faith. To walk across the room, one must believe, or have faith, that the floor will withstand the pressure of the footstep. To buy groceries for her family, a mother must not only have faith that, by turning the key, her car will start, but that the store will be where it was the last time she shopped. This idea can be applied spiritually as well. To pray, or speak with God, one must have faith that God is listening. In fact, one must have faith that God exists at all.

This is where the principle of power comes in. “Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God” (Hebrews 11:3). It is the very act of believing that gives one the power to do. Therefore, God had faith that he could create the worlds. “Had it not been for the principle of faith the worlds would never have been framed, neither would man have been formed of the dust” (“Lectures on Faith” 3). This ability, or power to do by belief, is given to man as well. When explaining to the Apostles why they could not cast out devils, Christ said, “[It is] because of your unbelief: for…If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed…nothing shall be impossible unto you” (Matthew 17:19-20). In both Hebrews 11 and Ether 12, miracles such as Noah’s Ark, the parting of the Red Sea, and the brother of Jared’s witness of the Lord show that “If [man] will have faith in me [he] shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moroni 7:33).

Though faith can give man power, it is a gift from God and must be nurtured. Alma’s teachings reflect the words of the Lord mentioned above. “Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart…it will begin to swell within your breasts” (Alma 32:28). Man is given the seed and it is up to him to attend to it so that it may grow. Without proper care, faith, like the seed, will whither and die.

Outlined in Alma 32:27, Alma also teaches how man can cause that seed of faith to grow. First, he must have the simple desire to believe. Second, he must ‘arouse [his] faculties’ or admit that perhaps there is a God, or have hope that something else could exist. Thirdly, he must experiment upon the thing in question by praying, keeping the Lord’s commandments, or studying the scriptures. And lastly, after all of these things have been exercised, there will begin to be a growth of the seed of faith, even so that it “beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me” (Alma 32:28). By all these things can man nurture the faith God gives him.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ would not exist without faith. It is by this founding principle that all things were created and are now and will forever be performed.

Works Cited

Bible. King James Version. Salt Lake City: LDS Church, 1979.
Book of Mormon. Salt Lake City: LDS Church, 1981.
“Lectures on Faith.” Prepared by the Prophet Joseph Smith: Deseret Book, 1985.


I know through both personal experience and prayer that all of these things speak truth. If we doubt, we must trust in the Father and have confidence, move ourselves to action, and then we will receive power. The witness comes after the trial of our faith (Ether 12:6) and it is by faith that all things are fulfilled (Ether 12:3).

The Joy of Choosing

I’ve realized more and more lately just how much our lives are composed of decisions—one after the other. Cereal or yogurt? Jeans or shorts? Blue or green shirt? Drive or walk? Hair up or down?

And then, of course, there are the more complicated choices that drive us absolutely mad, and it gets to the point where if you don’t make a decision fast, you’ll just get more and more confused. Sometimes you get so confused that you act impulsively hoping to escape the fog and to find clarity. Not that you don’t have reason to act the way you did, but you made the decision without really figuring out if it’s what you really wanted. Then the hard part comes a day or two later when things start setting in, including doubt, and you spend half of your time torturing yourself over whether or not your decision was right or wrong.

See, for the most part, there is no right or wrong. As one of my favorite high school teachers Miss Tripp once said, “Change is neither good nor bad sometimes. It is just different.” I know a lot of people who sit there waiting for someone else to tell them what to do, including God. Well, first of all, God expects us to make our own decisions; we choose our own path and He’ll make sure we don’t get too far off the straight and narrow. So in life, when we’re faced with a difficult choice, it’s not that there is a particular right or wrong, black or white. No. Instead, we have a myriad of colors displayed before us and we just have to pick which one we want to deal with.

My personal problem (as I’m sure it’s the same for most people) is understanding what it is that I really want, and then finding satisfaction in the decision I’ve made. This is a quote from an email I sent to my DKVs (three of my high school friends), “And oh how I'm bitter! Bitter and angry. Not with anyone in particular, just at the situation in general and myself for not being able to be happy with the decision that I made. Why can't feelings just be so clean-cut and clear!?!?"

I’ve always compared life to being at a train station. Imagine yourself on a platform and you have plenty of different trains to choose from. For the most part, it doesn’t matter which train you choose to take because most of them are going to the same place…it’s just about how you’re going to get there. How many stops? How many train changes? It’s like goal setting. The journey is a long one, so you have to break it up into different parts. Everyone chooses a path that suits their needs (the fastest route, the scenic route, etc.). So you set a goal and you work to reach it. Once you’re there, it’s time to set a different goal, or to choose a different train.

So you choose a train to your liking. Maybe it’s a really comfortable train. Maybe you like the people on it. Maybe it’s the fastest one. Who knows, who cares, it’s different for everyone. Well, the train makes its first stop and you find yourself with a decision to make. Do I stay on this train or do I find another one?

You decide to change trains, so you make your way to the platform and start looking around at your options. Perhaps you spend a significant amount of time at the station. Perhaps you find a new train right away. That’s up to you.

And after doing this time and time again, you might find that one time, you got on the wrong train and have to backtrack. Or maybe you were lucky and got on a train with more benefits than others. Whatever happens, each train you take gives you new experiences to learn from and, hopefully, brings you closer to your destination.

The analogy can go on and on, and you can take it whichever way you like. But all in all, we’re here on this earth to learn for ourselves by making countless decisions day after day. We just have to realize that our lives are not controlled by some predetermined Fate, but overseen by a loving Heavenly Father who has blessed us with our own agency and who wants us to choose for ourselves. And if we keep our hearts open to Him, He will never let us go astray. We ask for His help (as we daily should do!), but it is up to us to make the initial action!

What Beauty is to Me

So I was browsing through some of my old papers from high school and came across the following. It was a short assignment from who knows when:

Personally, beauty is not the amount of make-up one wears nor the money spent on clothes, but rather confidence in oneself. As there is moderation in all things, a healthy balance of self-confidence and self-appreciation can prove to outweigh any physical feature. Picture two girls walking down the street: The first, though made-up and glamorous, walks sluggishly with her head down. The second, though plain in her appearance, walks with enthusiasm and her head held high. She acknowledges others passing her and smiles as they go by. To me, the latter example has true beauty; she feels good about herself and expresses it through her actions. I would much rather see a sincere smile on one’s lips than lipstick. Society today pushes its image of “beauty” on women so fiercely that people have begun to take drastic measures. With eating disorders growing more common everyday, I only wonder how these magazine models and movie stars honestly feel about themselves. I myself may not be the thinnest person nor am I the most catching, but I feel good about who I am and am comfortable with what I do. With that said, I admit that when I look in the mirror, I can say to myself, “Hey, I like you!” instead of criticizing remarks. And in that, I find true beauty.

Charity

I recently came across the following quote:

“The reason charity never fails and the reason charity is greater than even the most significant acts of goodness he cited is that charity, ‘the pure love of Christ’ (Moroni 7:47), is not an act but a condition or state of being. Charity is attained through a succession of acts that result in a conversion. Charity is something one becomes” (Dallin H. Oaks, “The Challenge to Become,” Ensign, November 2000, 32-34).

After reading this, I immediately thought of the scripture Doctrine and Covenants 88:125, “And above all things, clothe yourselves with the bond of charity, as with a mantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace.”

If we want to become like Christ, we need to not just do, but to become. I never really considered charity as a condition, but if we are to enwrap ourselves with charity “as with a mantle,” then we are surrounding ourselves completely. And to clothe ourselves with charity, we are taking it upon ourselves, just as we take on the name of Christ when we are baptized. I find it interesting to see charity as more than just something you do, but as something you are.

Other scriptures on charity: 2 Nephi 26:30 and Moroni 7:44-47

The Great Man

What makes a “great” man? Quite similar to my previous topics, but a slightly different question.

For me, I hope and pray that who we are is measured less by how much we stay on the horse, and more by how hard we try to pick ourselves back up when we fall off the horse. Everyone messes up. We all fail sometimes. That’s a given. We weren’t sent to this earth to fail, but to learn, and we learn by falling down and scraping our knees.

I was thinking about this extensively at work yesterday…just the idea of what makes a “great” man. I’ve heard a lot of different definitions from people, and though I can appreciate and understand most of them, I found my explanation and view to be much more simple. What makes a “great” person is the effort he or she puts into life. We all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences, so no one can really be measured on the same plane…we’re different. And we’re supposed to be different. It’s not about how much better I am than my neighbor, but rather how much better I can become than the person I am today.

This is all a bit scatter-brained, I know. But my point is that often we attribute our worth to things that are, in the end, not fairly measured because we’re comparing ourselves to other people. In my opinion, our worth and beauty as a person comes from the effort we put into making our own personal lives more meaningful. The drive we have to face challenges with a positive attitude. The determination we have when we’re at our lowest to get back on our feet and to keep going, no matter how painful or impossible the road. The faith we have that if we do all that we can do, the Lord will make up the rest. The gratitude we have for all of our experiences in life. The ability we have to learn from each fall we take and each scrape we get so that we can turn around and help others through their own journeys in life.

That’s what makes a great man. It doesn’t matter if he’s the 50-year-old CEO of some large corporation or the teen-age retail worker at the local Walmart. We all have the opportunity to show our true colors and we all have the potential. It’s just up to us to choose what happens when we fall off the horse.

Time Wasted Judging

Branching off of my previous theme of courage, I’d like to touch on the 2009 Young Women address by President Thomas S. Monson entitled “May You Have Courage” where, to support his first point of having the courage to refrain from judging others, he quotes Mother Teresa, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

I was quite taken by this quote, as simple as it is, and find it to be a truthful statement. It’s a concept of time—if we spend our time judging or thinking negatively of others, than we lose time when we could be thinking positively and uplifting others. I don’t believe we can do both at the same time.

And this is assuming that “judging” is purely a negative thing. Using your judgment is useful and essential in life when used appropriately, however, I use the word judgment here to mean gossip and criticism.

Doctrine and Covenants 88:123 reads, “See that ye love one another; cease to be covetous; learn to impart one to another as the gospel requires.” Well said. To love your neighbor as yourself is the second of God’s great commandments.

And of course, no one’s perfect. The natural man and worldly competition harbor the tendency to look on others with a critical eye; in most cases, passing judgment is a selfish tactic of raising ourselves above another. But forgetting our pride and understanding that everyone is different and that we never know the “entire story” of one’s situation, experiences, etc. can help us to refrain from making judgments that are almost always unjustified.

Elder Wirthlin said, “We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever” (“The Great Commandment”). If we spend less of our time criticizing others and more time looking for the positive, we will begin to see them as our Father in Heaven does. We’re not perfect, and neither are our fellow men. Who are we to judge who is better than another when God loves all of his children?

Courage To Be Who You Are

Recently, I’ve noticed a change in myself that has been occurring gradually over the past year or so—a detachment from the person I feel I really am. I have these moments when I look back on my past and smile with gratitude for all the experiences—good and bad—that have brought me to this point, but no longer connect with the person I used to be. And while we grow each and every day, I believe there are certain parts of us that should only change if we want them to—things about our personalities; the things that make us smile or motivate us to live a more fulfilling life. To me, we use our past and all the lessons learned to inspire our future. But I’ve been so blind lately, caught up in a million different things and forgetting about who I am and where I come from. I love new experiences. Change. Adventures. Spontaneity. I revel in the beauty of an artistic expression and take joy in the simplest of things: an act of service. The sun rising above the peak of the mountain. A crazy hair style. Someone singing at the top of their lungs to the car radio.

But, instead of taking pleasure in all the tiny things that really make me me, I’ve selfishly worried about how everyone else sees me and have thus tailored myself to a life of constant self-improvement. And in the mix of it all, I’ve tried so hard to change myself for the better that I’ve let go of what I believe truly makes me beautiful. The specifics are too abstract to describe, but they are tied heavily to my earthly and heavenly origins. Again, our past helps to build our future, and I have quite forgotten about where it is that I come from. Along with that, I feel as if I have spent so much time thinking about what’s “wrong” with who I am that I have lost confidence in all that is “good”. Courage, as a result, has been a prevalent theme for me the last little while.

In my studying a couple of days ago, I read an article by Robert D. Hales entitled, “Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship.” In it, he talks about how members of the church should have courage to respond to accusations and criticism appropriately. While this article is well worth reading, I take only a part from it. Elder Hales speaks of having the courage to be a disciple of Christ, and I extend that to having the courage to be who you are in general.

Being your true self is scary enough; the judgment of others stands as one of vulnerability’s worst enemies. I often find myself nervous that who I am wont be accepted and, as a result, I’ll be torn down, left alone with my face stuck in the mud. But, for every minute we spend worrying about how others perceive us, we lose a precious minute of our short lives that could easily be better enjoyed. Live it up! Enjoy your life and learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. And again, remember where you come from. For me, that means understanding the liberal mindset of Maine, the emotional-based personalities of my family, and, most importantly, my claim as a daughter of God.

Elder Hales makes a wonderful connection between courage and a Book of Mormon experience:

In the Book of Mormon, we read about Lehonti and his men camped upon a mount. The traitorous Amalickiah urged Lehonti to “come down” and meet him in the valley. But when Lehonti left the high ground, he was poisoned “by degrees” until he died, and his army fell into Amalickiah’s hands (see Alma 47)…The high ground is where the light is. It’s where we see the first light of morning and the last light in the evening. It is the safe ground. It is true and where knowledge is. Sometimes others want us to come down off the high ground and join them in a theological scrum in the mud...We are always better staying on the higher ground…

Taken a little differently than how Elder Hales intends it, I see here a hill whereupon one can see the “first light of the morning and the last light in the evening.” When we make the most of our lives and live up to our potential, understanding ourselves and where we come from, we have such a better and clearer view of everything around us. Obstacles don’t seem so ominous and we are inclined more toward optimism because we can better see the beauty of life. Yet, certain experiences and influences draw us down from our “safe spot.” Media, stereotypes, and even other people and ourselves can convince us that we’re worth less than we really are or that who we are isn’t who we should be.

And for me, understanding who I really am is inseparably connected to my relationship with God. If I begin to loose the light of Christ through neglect, sin, and/or laziness, I find myself unhappy and disconnected from the one thing that will always remain constant in my life. The more I give attention to my divine nature, the more I feel I understand myself. I make the comparison of losing sight of who I am and digressing spiritually to a light that is slowly dimming. We do not fully comprehend how much the light is changing until either the light turns completely off or is suddenly turned back to its full capacity. The change is so subtle that we do not always realize it’s there.

As I’m sure you’ll hear me say over and over again, life is full of choices, and at this point, I can only point out how having courage is a choice that we consciously make. We must have the courage to be who we are. We must have the courage to learn to understand ourselves, every part. We must have the courage to stay on our hilltop. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in “We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down,” talks about keeping our focus on the things that matter most. In it, he instructs us, each time we are tempted to fall away, to proudly proclaim, “I am doing a great work and cannot come down.” I connect this to Elder Hale’s analogy of the high ground.

So what’s my point? Well, I’ve forgotten who I am and I’m trying to find out again. Not an easy task, that’s for sure. And it’s not something that happens overnight. I share this with you because…well…everyone has their ups and downs and perhaps my thoughts can mean something to you.

With this, I share my testimony that as we take the time to remember where we come from and have the courage to be who we are, we can find comfort as we feel more connected to ourselves and our Heavenly Father. Being true and honest with ourselves is a key step to finding happiness. God loves us and understands everything that we are. Part of our purpose here on earth is to come to that understanding ourselves.

Here I Go: Blog Introduction

I’ve learned throughout the course of my short 22-years that life is full of lessons, big and small. In my opinion, we’re all learning the same lessons, just at different times and in different ways. So, after a lot of thinking and a lot of fighting with myself, I’m finally joining the rest of the 21^st century and starting a blog.

Now, I’d like to preface by saying that I do not claim to be a fantastic writer. In fact, I find myself to be a poor writer indeed and hope that anyone who reads my thoughts will overlook my weaknesses. What I find more important is looking past my self-consciousness and communicating my general ideas. See, I’m an avid journal writer—I don’t miss a day—but I’ve always been private about my writing, which makes starting this blog both easy and difficult. Easy because I’m accustomed to letting my thoughts bleed out on a page and difficult because I’m afraid I’ll let out too much. But I suppose my purpose in writing to begin with, both in my personal journal and now for this blog, is to realize and share the lessons I’m learning as I face the many experiences of my life.

In Doctrine and Covenants 88:77-79, it reads, “And I give unto you a commandment that you shall teach one another the doctrine of the kingdom. Teach ye diligently and my grace shall attend you, that you may be instructed more perfectly…in all things that pertain unto the kingdom of God, that are expedient for you to understand; Of things both in heaven and in the earth…” By quoting this, I in no way am trying to present myself as some grand and omniscient teacher, but rather to show the communal responsibility we share—we’re all in this together; we’re here to learn and we learn best as a group, lifting each other up by sharing our experiences.

Life is hard, but it’s beautiful. We just have to have the right perspective and attitude. Take each experience in life—the good and the bad—and see it for its benefits. (“What can I learn from this?”) And most assuredly, if I can learn something from the experiences in my life, then so can someone else. Learn from other people’s mistakes, right? So, whatever it’s worth, I share with you my two cents—a mix of religious and secular experiences, thoughts, realizations, what-have-you. My hope is that you will read what I have to say and be able to apply it to yourself in whatever way possible.